player.
NAME/HANDLE: tussah
PERSONAL JOURNAL: ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png) dondarrion
ARE YOU 16 OR OVER?: yes!
CONTACT: pm to wont
OTHER CHARACTERS:
character.
CHARACTER NAME: Alayne Stone Sansa Stark
SERIES: ( canon ) The World of A Song of Ice and Fire | Sansa Stark
( ataraxion ) Game Premise | World Info | The Tranquility
CANON POINT: ( canon ) post-A Feast for Crows | ( ataraxion ) jump » 012
AGE: In book canon Sansa is 13, though Alayne claims to be 14. Due to the nature of some uncomfortable themes in Sansa/Alayne's backstory (in particular abuse, attempted rape and sexual coercion), she was apped into Ataraxion at television show age instead, which would be two years older (15 years old, claiming to be 16). Given her in-game time aboard the Tranquility, Alayne is now 16 years old, claiming to be 17.
APPEARANCE: Alayne Stone is PB'ed by Sophie Turner, who portrays Sansa Stark in the HBO television series Game of Thrones. Though Alayne originally dyed her hair chestnut brown to hide herself in the Eyrie, she stopped this practice aboard the Tranquility when she finally decided to reveal herself as Sansa Stark. This has allowed her hair to return to its original Tully Red. Upon her arrival on the Charon and the re-adoption of the Alayne Stone persona, she may search for a means to re-dye her hair back to brown again. Of note: Alayne is canonly very tall, almost markedly so.
PREVIOUS GAME HISTORY:
Alayne's time in Ataraxion was in certain ways not unlike her life in Westeros. Circumstances forced her into a lie that she then felt compelled to maintain over the course of her tenure there, despite the fact that the lie became more and more complex and convoluted as time progressed, making it more and more difficult to maintain. Danger lurked around every corner, though the dangers of the Tranquility differed from those of the Seven Kingdoms. More marked, however, were the ways in which Alayne Stone's circumstances changed and how those changes triggered an evolution of her character over the course of nine months.
Active instead of passive, capable of true agency for the first time in her life, Alayne finally blossomed into her role as player (rather than piece) just as Petyr Baelish had taught her to do during their time in the Eyrie. Having initially been his daughter in name only, her time on the Tranquility finally gave Alayne the space to truly embrace her mockingbird feathers; she used her lies not only hide but to shield herself from loneliness, singing sweet songs to whatever ear would listen in the hopes of endearing people to her so as to never be left alone again. More likely to lie, more likely to convince herself that her lies are good and unafraid to manipulate those around her in the hopes of making them love her and protect her, Alayne became one of the focal points of Westerosi politics aboard the Tranquility — if not publicly, then behind the proverbial curtain.
The reintroduction of her family into her life created a support system that encouraged the emergence of Alayne's alpha identity of Sansa Stark, while at the same time brought about feelings of both helplessness and grief associated with that time in her life. Although she was able to foster both friendships and allegiances for the first time in years, they also succeeded in isolating Alayne further within her own web of lies. The more earnest they became with her, the closer they tried to hold her, the more painfully aware she became of how distant they truly were. Cocooned in lies around nearly everybody — even her family — Alayne was both empowered and defeated by her own lies.
KEY EVENT: I AM SANSA STARK | UNRAVELLING A LIE
Ultimately it was practicality that convinced Alayne to recant her identity, not loneliness or sadness or the desire for honesty. With the arrival of Cersei Lannister aboard the ship came the first public schism of Westerosi politics, but with Sansa Stark hidden behind the bastard's lie, Alayne found herself unable to further Robb's cause. Frustrated and afraid the scales of public opinion would not tip in her family's favor (or worse yet, there would be a war aboard the ship and her side would find itself wanting for more allies), Alayne held council with both her brother and Petyr before deciding to embark on a slow campaign to reveal herself bit by bit to the Tranquility as Sansa Stark, incognito.
KEY CR: THE MOCKINGBIRD (PETYR BAELISH) | THE MAN WITH TWO FACES
With Alayne being given Sansa Stark's family back, both the dissolution of the lie of Alayne Stone and a disassociation with the architect of said lie seemed inevitable. However (much to the chagrin of some of Sansa's brothers) Alayne did not grow distant from Petyr Baelish; no if anything, she grew closer to him, viewing him as one of the only people who understood who she truly was beneath all of her lies. Petyr was one of two people Alayne held in complete confidence during her time aboard the Tranquility, often confiding in him her various concerns with the tenuous politics amongst the passengers.
Incapable of lying to him (he was too good a liar himself), her relationship with Petyr as her "father" grew complicated and confused with the re-emergence of Alayne's alpha identity of Sansa Stark. Though she had no illusions of Petyr being a good man to the wider world, Alayne was convinced he would never hurt her following the events of her own death. Alayne made a habit of defending Petyr to both Sansa's family and fellow Westerosi; she bought him immunity against retaliation or rebuff with his rescue of her from the Red Keep.
KEY CR: NO-NAME JEYNE (ARYA STARK) | THE GIRL WITH NO NAME
Besides Petyr, the only other passenger that Alayne was wholly truth with was the fractured remnant of Sansa Stark's younger sister — the girl who called herself No-Name Jeyne (among other things), who once upon a time was Arya Stark. While Sansa's other siblings made Alayne feel self-conscious and wary (sometimes for their sake, sometimes for her own), Arya never gave her that impression — though the two would often pick fights with one another just as sisters are wont to do. In No-Name Jeyne, she found a reflection of herself &mash; broken and no longer whole despite other people's efforts to fix it. Together they became complicit in their compartmentalization and trauma, Alayne often encouraging the rift in Arya's personalities while Arya fostered the rift in hers.
No-Name Jeyne/Arya was notable in that she was the only person Alayne recounted the whole of Sansa's story to. Although Alayne did not trust No-Name Jeyne's judgment (she was too rash and hot-headed, while Alayne was thoughtful and deliberate) she did trust her oath. She was also the only person aboard the Tranquility that Alayne was frank with about her relationship with Petyr Baelish as liars in complicity.
KEY CR: THE BANNERMEN | WE SWEAR IT BY ICE AND FIRE
Although the story of Alayne Stone's life marked her as Lord Petyr Baelish's daughter, she was bastard-born and therefore not eligible for the various rites otherwise given to a noble child. However, in a bid to protect herself and to amass a force loyal to both Petyr and the Starks, Alayne began to adopt bannermen amongst the passengers of the Tranquility soon after her arrival. Most notably of this number was Tommy Conlon, a former soldier and cage fighter. Though his demeanor seemed an ill-fit for Alayne's, she failed to find him threatening unlike so many others aboard the ship. His seeming inability to lie to her made him not only safe but convinced Alayne he would be easier to manipulate than others (though, in the end, she took no opportunity to do so).
Among Alayne's bannermen were Tommy Conlon, Jaye (a willful shapeshifter who often clashed with Robb over the minding of Alayne), Murphy Pendleton (a bereaved father who was easily manipulated by Littlefinger), and Topher Brink (not strong in any physical sense, but wily and familiar with modern technology). She also garnered the support of Strider (though he could not swear to any banner beside Gondor's), Magneto (who made peace with Alayne after her death) and Riddick (through rough-handed guidance, given that he offered no sworn protection). She also counted Tony Stark and Pepper Potts amongst her allies, given Tony's prolonged insistence that he was descendant of House Stark. Most of what Alayne understands from technology is the result of Tony's influence.
KEY EVENT: THE DEMON CHAOS | DEATH AND THE MAIDEN
Behind the broad swath of Westerosi politics that filled much of Alayne's time aboard the Tranquility, there was the backdrop of the Tranquility itself: a colony ship without a colony or a crew, jumping from system to system and from star to star like something of a ghost ship in space. Given the nature of this environment, Alayne came in contact with many different dangers over the course of her nine months in space. Among them: a stasis sickness which nearly killed all the passengers, exposure to a fear gas which drove some of the passengers mad, a shift in worlds that drove Alayne and others into a shadowed world where all of their greatest fears were made real. Of all these treacheries, however, none were worse than the fate Alayne suffered at the hands of a demon-possessed Erik Lehnsherr following their arrival aboard the ship.
Convinced that Erik, until then a friend and confidant, had come to fetch her from her room at her brothers' insistence, Alayne let him in, only to be throttled and stabbed by Erik and then left to bleed out. She would subsequently die from from injuries in Petyr Baelish's arms — an event that would change the trajectory of their interaction forever. (Only with Alayne's death was Petyr able to see her as anything other than a commodity, another piece to be moved. Following her revitalization by Ned the Piemaker and eventual recovery, Petyr began to treat Alayne more as an equal than a possession.)
Alayne's death, however, did not last long given the abilities of Ned the Piemaker. Sworn to secrecy not to reveal Ned's powers, Alayne (along with Petyr and Robb) told the general public that Alayne had been gravely injured but did not die. (Not even all of Alayne's siblings know that she has been dead in the past.) In the immediate wake of her death Alayne became withdrawn, timid and fearful; with time, however, she regained her confidence. As a result Alayne has developed a certain fearlessness now when it comes to her own death (she fears pain more than death). However, to spare others from the pain and desolation that comes with death, Alayne will move mountains to prevent the death of someone she loves.
Robb's call for justice following her death was the first real instance where Alayne's influence came into major play in shaping the landscape of interactions around her. Although Robb demanded justice for Magneto's crimes, Alayne was able to convince her brothers that Westerosi law was not practical aboard the Tranquility, and that enacting a lord's justice would simply alienate the other passengers from them and their side. In the end, Alayne brokered a compromise, built upon the bedrock of her own forgiveness of Erik. PERSONALITY:
In canon, there are two hearts that beat within Alayne Stone — that of her noble birth as Sansa Stark, daughter of Winterfell and that of Alayne Stone, Lord Petyr Baelish's lowborn bastard. Sansa's progression as a character throughout A Song of Ice and Fire marks how she transforms from a young girl with a head full of songs and a heart full of fairy-tale longing to Alayne, the cleverly concealed protegé of one of the game of thrones' greatest players.
Frog-faced Lord Slynt sat at the end of the council table wearing a black velvet doublet and a shiny cloth-of-gold cape, nodding with approval every time the king pronounced a sentence. Sansa stared hard at his ugly face, remembering how he had thrown down her father for Ser Ilyn to behead, wishing she could hurt him, wishing that some hero would throw him down and cut off his head. But a voice inside her whispered, There are no heroes, and she remembered what Lord Petyr had said to her, here in this very hall. “Life is not a song, sweetling,” he’d told her. “You may learn that one day to your sorrow.” In life, the monsters win, she told herself, and now it was the Hound’s voice she heard, a cold rasp, metal on stone. “Save yourself some pain, girl, and give him what he wants.”
( A Game of Thrones ) Sansa Stark is a girl raised on stories of courtliness and romance who, at the end of the day, places more trust in them than she does in the realities of the world around her. Raised in the 'backwater' North (the Starks' ways are the old ways, and their existence is harder and more bare-boned than in other kingdoms of Westeros), Sansa dreams of a life in the more metropolitan south, married to a stately lord worthy of her high-birth. These fantasies eventually find a foothold in Joffrey Baratheon and his mother, the queen, Cersei Lannister; willfully, she projects all of her deepest-held desires onto them: a beautiful and strong young man to marry her, a stately and gracious queen to aspire to. Even when faced with the ugliness of Joffrey's true personality, Sansa goes to long and painful lengths to justify his actions, finding excuses and blaming others like her sister so that his veneer of princeliness can last for a little while longer. It is with an almost desperate delusionment that she chooses to trust the Lannisters throughout Game of Thrones, going so far as to entreat the queen when her father plans to return her and Arya to Winterfell (an act that ultimately facilitates his imprisonment). Unwilling to face the possibility that her dreams will not one day come true and that acts of heroism and knightly deeds no longer happen, Sansa clings to whatever spare hopes and falsities are offered to her and, as a result, becomes a pawn for other players to move mercilessly across the table.
It is not until Joffrey issues his pronouncement and her father looses his head that Sansa realizes just how blind she has been and how foolish it was to trust the Lannisters, who now reveal themselves to her to be cruel and faithless lairs. Disillusioned and distrustful, Sansa now finds herself held captive by a court that executed her father as a traitor and, unwilling to meet a similar fate and convinced that is only a matter of time before her brother Robb rescues her, she has no choice but to learn how to maneuver herself in order to avoid a similar fate. This manifests mostly by lying, both through words and in action. Realizing that her betrothal to Joffrey is one of the few things keeping her from Ser Ilyn's sword, she swallows down her anger and bitterness to adopt the role of courtly fiancee, reciting the lines her septa taught her of lady-like politesse, quick to decry her brother as a traitor (while secretly praying for the day that Robb serves her Joffrey's head).
However, given how unpracticed Sansa is in the art of lying beyond the parrotting of lines here or there, many around her are quick to see through her ungraceful deceptions. Some, such as Queen Cersei and her brother Tyrion Lannister and Joffrey's guard, the Hound, go as so far as to chastise her for them, though none of them find Sansa threatening enough to punish her beyond that. True punishment comes at the hands of Joffrey, who takes every opportunity to humiliate and abuse her, going so far as to one order his Kingsguard to strip her naked in front of court. This both hardens and embitters Sansa and feeds what she refers to as 'the madness' inside of her - fits of hot-bloodedness and anger that sieze her from time to time and inspire her to do impulsive things (the most notable of which occurs when Sansa is tempted to push Joffrey off a castle wall to avenge the death of her father). This is what Ned himself calls the Wolf's Blood - a temperament specific to the Starks that he claims both his older brother Brandon and his sister Lyanna had. It is a personality trait readily applied to Sansa's younger sister Arya and that is almost never attributed to Sansa, though flashes of her inner rage and almost maddening desire for revenge indicate otherwise. Unlike Arya, however, all of Sansa's training to be a high-born lady ultimately overrides her willingness to act on those wrathful tendencies. She is, in a way, emotionally compartmentalized to control her impulses and, as a result, secretly harbors rash and unlady-like thoughts that never see the light of day.
He saved Alayne, his daughter, a voice within her whispered. But she was Sansa too...and sometimes it seemed to her the Lord Protector was two people as well. He was Petyr, her protector, warm and funny and gentle...but he was also Littlefinger, the lord she'd known at King's Landing, smiling slyly and stroking his beard as he whispered in the Queen's ear. And Littlefinger was no friend of hers. When Joff had her beaten, the Imp defended her, not Littlefinger. When the mob had sought to rape her, the Hound had carried her to safety, not Littlefinger. When the Lannisters wed her to Tyrion against her will, Ser Garlan the Gallant gave her comfort, not Littlefinger. Littlefinger never lifted so much as his little finger for her.
Except to get me out. He did that for me. I thought it was Ser Dontos, my poor old drunken Florian, but it was Petyr all the while. Littlefinger was only a mask he had to wear.
( A Feast for Crows ) For all that Sansa Stark is an unpracticed liar, Alayne Stone is quickly becoming consumate. Having been placed in a desperate situation by the events surrounding Joffrey's assassination during his wedding, Sansa flees the capital only to find herself within the care of the once-Master of Coin, Petyr Baelish. Baelish, whose machinations run far and wide across all of the Seven Kingdoms with little birds across the Narrow Sea, devises a plan to hide Sansa in plain site. They die her hair and strip her of any evidence of her life as Sansa Stark and instead transform her into Alayne Stone — Petyr Baelish's natural daughter, bastard-born. This is a highly risky sleight of hand, given that Baelish plans to travel to the Eyrie and marry Sansa's aunt, Lysa Arryn. But under Baelish' tutelage Sansa slowly transforms from 'the worst liar in King's Landing' (something once attributed to her by the Hound) to a liar skilled enough to deceive men who have passingly known Sansa in the past. Through Baelish (whose house sigil is a mockingbird — a creature best known for its ability to mimic the songs of other birds), Alayne begins to learn the nuances to the game of thrones, taking to heart one of his greatest lessons: that a man can either move or be moved and in knowing what it takes to move another person, great power is gained. By making herself seem nonthreatening — a technique used by Baelish, being a lord in title but not wealth — Alayne finds herself often overlooked and is given the freedom to watch other people freely in order to learn their motivations. Alayne soon proves herself uncannily astute in her observations, most notably of Baelish himself; she begins to use these conclusions to manipulate the people around her, though Alayne goes to great pains to justify her actions to herself.
Eventually Alayne's lies become so complete that she begins to fool even herself. The name 'Sansa' disappears from her narrative in the middle of A Feast for Crows, only to surface upon reflection as someone other than Alayne Stone. It's with a mix of hardened bitterness and sullen nostalgia that Alayne considers Sansa Stark; more often than not, she thinks of her as a silly, stupid little girl who had a head full of uselessness that served no one. The language surrounding Sansa is almost as if she were a girl deceased and several times in her chapters Alayne is found actively distancing herself from Sansa and denying herself ties to her former identity. Littlefinger becomes sometimes-Petyr — a naming device which Sansa uses to differentiate between the cold-hearted schemer and the gentle man who rescued her; Alayne gets rid of this distinction completely, instead opting to refer to him as simply 'father'. Unlike Sansa, who chose to model herself after her lady mother Catelyn Stark, Alayne looks to her 'father' (Baelish) instead, noting his boldness several times and motivating herself with thoughts of what he would want her — his daughter — to do. At first, Sansa goes about convincing herself that her lies are a necessity and kindly meant and — therefore — no harm. By the time Alayne emerges, her internal motivations are somewhat different and although she is far from the Machiavellian manipulator her father is, she can be found subscribing to the us vs. them survivor mentality that Baelish had once gone to great pains to impress upon Sansa.
With the acceptance of Alayne's persona also come feelings of filial duty and obligation towards Petyr Baelish, her supposed father. Though his behavior towards her is less than fatherly in private (he coerces several kisses from her, often claiming more when her own kisses prove too daughterly or dutiful), Sansa's desperate dependency on Baelish has developed into something that closely resembles Stockholm Syndrome. She goes to great lengths to justify both of their actions and, by the end of A Feast for Crows, considers herself in alignment with her father rather than a hanger-on simply trailing in his wake. Although Alayne is in no way Baelish's peer, their conversations in private hold a certain air of complicity, as if all of his machinations are suddenly hers as well by inheritance. "With my wits and Cat's beauty, the world will be yours, sweetling," he tells her, though it is important to note that Alayne's personal desires never extend to chaos and conquering the way that her father's do. Instead, she simply looks to survive and to assist her father in whatever ways that she can. Near the end of the narrative, Alayne often notes the ways in which she realizes Baelish is manipulating her, but rather than fight it, she accepts it, giving him the benefit of the doubt in both her head and her heart.
She smiles at him, soft and sweet and — in her eyes — endlessly sad. Once there was no one in the world she thought closer and dearer to her than Robb Stark. Where Sansa's other siblings thought her silly, he alone understood her love for duty, her need to be a perfect lady (he would be Lord of Winterfell one day and she would be a high-born lady, and if they proved to be good examples, their brothers and sister would follow suit).
Though her love for him still remains infinite, there is so much about her he no longer understands — truths about herself and the future that she keeps from him out of love and mercy.
A long pause and then: "But I am liar, Robb." I lie to everyone. I lie to you. I am sick with grief over it. "That is what I am."
( Ataraxion, Jump » 009 ) Given the tragedies of her life in Westeros, Alayne's life on the Tranquility was a bounty of blessings both big and small. She was not only reunited with her family and long-dead direwolf, but her time on the ship affords her both a circle of trust and a kind of social standing. Others considered her not only a true lady, but a princess at that, and even though she convinced her family to maintain her ruse, Alayne eventually realized that the lie could be sustained and so moved to reclaim the name of Sansa Stark in the eyes of her most trusted friends.
This is a lot of development — a solid nine month's worth — for a character that suffers a severe personality schism. During her time on the ship, Alayne gained considerable confidence (coupled with complacency) from being surrounded by people she both loved and trusted. Being reuinted with her family, in particular Robb, brought out Alayne's protective side as she defended the Starks from their enemies and defended Petyr (quite often) from the Starks. No longer powerless and now armed with the sense of agency Alayne Stone's persona gave her, she pushed past her feelings of helplessness and struck out to position both her and her family at an advantage over any enemies that might follow them into space. Through both earnestness and manipulation, Alayne gathered people to her, gaining their trust but also giving it as well (something that would haunt her later). Although she maintained Alayne Stone's name for most of her time aboard the Tranquility, her brothers constantly poked and prodded at the walls she'd built inside herself, causing Alayne a considerable amount of inner struggle.
As to be expected with some arrivals, Alayne Stone will have a difficult time adjusting to her life in ExitVoid. Being reunited with her family had been a blessing, one that had given Alayne a sense of both confidence and security, and to be taken from them in such a harsh and unexpected way has been like reliving their deaths all over again. Convinced that she will never see them again, she will most likely fall into a period of depression, something that will take time to fully bounce back from. As a result, her self-defense mechanisms will return with a vengeance, especially the tendency to compartmentalize Sansa Stark away in order to spare herself the brunt of the emotional pain that persona is experiencing. Less likely to trust, less inclined to open up, Alayne will experience considerable back pedaling from her development in Ataraxion — not a complete reversion to canon state, but no longer open to the possibility of identifying as Sansa Stark. She will be torn between making emotional connections with new people in order to fill the void inside her and falling back into a life lived mostly in shadow, reluctant to invest in the other people around her for fear of getting hurt again. She will be more likely to lie, to deflect and to manipulate the people around her. Hidden once again behind courtesy, Alayne will use it to cover an overwhelming sense of helplessness and self-blame for allowing herself to grow close to so many while aboard the Tranquility. ABILITIES: SHE HAS THE BLOOD OF A WOLF | ABILITY
In canon, Alayne has no clear superhuman powers or special abilities. It is implied that all of the Stark children are able to 'warg' — which is a supernatural ability that allows them to "shapechange" by entering the minds of animals and control them. This power manifests most clearly through the mental and emotional connections the Stark children exhibit to their direwolves (of the Stark children Bran is the most skilled at this ability and is a greenseer as well). Sansa's direwolf Lady, however, is killed early on the series, leaving Alayne's own abilities untapped and unexplored. In theory, Alayne should have been able to develop this power. During her time in Ataraxion, Alayne not only explored the possibility but also attempted to exercise influence over her direwolf, Lady, to a certain degree of success. does not come naturally to her and does not work — full-stop — over wholly foreign creatures. She has yet to have a 'wolf dream', which would signify a proper segway to becoming a functional warg.
A LADY'S ARMOR | ABILITY
Talent-wise, Alayne is well-versed and well-trained in the arts of court and courtesy, the most notable of which are singing and needlepoint. She is also proven able to commit large amounts of family history (names/faces/genealogies) to memory, which she uses to then to identify various members of court. She is well-spoken, well-read, and understands the ins and outs of her world's rules of politesse. She is also acquainted with most of the fabled songs of legend of her world, and holds knowledge of both the Faith of the Seven (from her mother) and the Old Gods (from her father).
THERE'S A CLEVER GIRL | ABILITY
Since the 'disappearance' of Sansa Stark in her personality, Alayne learned how to conceal herself in plain sight of those who would possibly otherwise recognize her. This was managed through a combination of both lying and deflection. Her bright red hair was dyed dark brown, but Alayne also learned how to adopt the ways and presentation of a lower-born bastard child. She is not a fool-proof liar but she has learned the ways in which to maneuver herself to avoid unwanted attention. Although Alayne is sometimes fearful that her lies will be seen through, she has proven herself more than capable in this respect. She has been taught by Petyr that there are pieces and there are players in the world and, given her newfound insight and awareness to the people and things around her, Alayne endeavors to no longer be a piece but one who moves those around her in turn.
WHAT MANNER OF DEVICE IS THIS | ABILITY
Though she is not highly skilled in the use of technology, Alayne's time aboard the Tranquility means that she has a certain level of experience when it comes to things like communications devices, modern medicine and "science". Her understanding of these things is roughly en par with a modern-day user, though that understanding is wholly experiential rather than conceptual. That means, she understands that a communication device works, but not by the means through which that is achieved. Instead, she contextualizes its operation through more Westerosi-minded metaphors. POSSESSIONS:» silk dress | purple brocade and golden girdle, in the Southern style
» silk ribbon | of ivory and gold, worn in the hair
» silver jewelry | a plain silver ring, mockingbird pin, and silver necklace with dragonfly pendant
» various other clothing accoutrement | woolen hose, small clothes, etc.
» sewing set | complete with needle, thimble, and thread
» prison shiv (on right) | given to her by Riddick after being threatened with it, too large for her hand
» Lady | Sansa Stark's direwolf, still juvenile and roughly the size of a freakishly large dog, will continue to grow and will be kept in the hold ( mod approved )
samples.
JOURNAL ENTRY SAMPLE: ( 1, 2 | both from cr au canon )
THIRD-PERSON SAMPLE: ( taken from this log, cr au canon )
During her short life, Alayne — and Sansa before her — has had a wealth of people tell her precisely what is and isn't her birthrite as a woman and as a lady. In Westeros a girl may not easily pick up a sword and learn how to use it, or else be thought wild or manly or unkempt — and Sansa had always longed to be womanly; that was her duty as a highborn lady and she looked to follow it to the letter. The queen, the Hound, Margaery and her twittering gaggle of consorts; then afterwards Littlefinger who became Petyr. Each taught her what it was she might wield and what she could ultimately not.
Poison was thought to be a dishonorable and so was relegated to the likes of cravens, eunuchs and women. In the end, it was poison that killed King Joffrey and so of course the finger of blame had turned towards the Imp and his traitorous bride, but it had not been Sansa as much as she'd prayed for it. No, she'd proven more craven than craven and unable to wield anything and instead had to wait for another bride to slay him; one newer and more beautiful than even her.
Before that lesson, Queen Cersei had taught Sansa that tears were a weapon, but not the only one at a woman's disposal. Another lay between her legs, the gash that fed the worm-brain of so many man, the queen had said; it would give lords sons and husbands pleasure and be the beginning and end of Sansa's worth to them until her beauty — also a weapon — faded.
Lies were also weapons — they were mercies and love and armor too — and everyone in King's Landing wore theirs close like a dagger concealed amongst their clothes. Only Sansa's lies were awkward and glint to glaring, catching the light (everyone here is a liar, the Hound had told her, and everyone here lies better than you). In contrast, Alayne's lies are schooled towards seamlessness, more easily hidden and beneath a coat of modest mockingbird feathers. How long had she hid in plain sight in the Vale, how many times had she smiled graciously at lords who had known Sansa Stark and yet smiled back at Alayne Stone?
In the end, they were all weapons, all means by which Sansa and Alayne after her could hope to play the game and live. Some worked in her favor and others didn't but nowhere in that long line of lessons did anyone teach Sansa how to wield a blade.
The hilt of the shiv is too large for her hand and her fingers have to strain to keep the blade pointed in the direction she wills it; even with it dropped down to her side, Alayne is wary of it, wary of the weight of it and how it feels not like an extension of her arm but like an unwieldy hunk of iron strapped to her wrist. Never had Sansa Stark brandished a knife before that evening when she met Ser Dontos in the godswood. Alayne remembers the moment clearly whenever she holds the blade given to her by the stranger, the way she'd held the awkward thing out in the dark, the way her hand had trembled. She did not feel wild not manly nor unkempt in that moment. (She did not feel strong either.) And ultimately it had taught her nothing, for she still is wary of the weapon in her hand even has she offers its edge to the air between her and the direwolf that savaged her father.
"A steady hand," Alayne says, aware of how all of her shakes. She fears the man, fears the wolf with her bloody fur — they are both strangers and yet reflections of parts of herself she can no longer hold or understand. She was scared, the man says and Alayne feels sympathy clench inside her, but sympathy is not strength — no if anything, it is weakness.
"Lady," she says again (more forcefully this time, more certain) and then lowers herself to the ground, lowers so that she does not tower above the animal but looks at her eye to eye. (She does not know how to crouch, crouching is unladylike, but she knows how to kneel. Yes, Alayne knows that quite well.)
Her empty hand extends but does not beckon. Come it says, but does not add please, and she thinks, for you, Lady, I can pretend to be strong. The animal stares at her for a long moment and Alayne stares back, her other hand still tensing along the grip of the blade. (Lady, do you know me.)
The animal pads forward and when it does, her head is dipped in concession. |
